Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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