She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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