omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
