I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
