thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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