sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
