I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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