eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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