apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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