But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
