how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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