is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm having to shit out rocks
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
