Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
