I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
