And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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