hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
