she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
