The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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