I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
