just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you inspire me to be a worse person
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
