He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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