i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
