I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
