i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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