Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
