Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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