Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize