i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
