I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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