I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
