Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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