Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
