When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
