Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
