I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
