Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
