just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
