Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
