It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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