now i know why i became what i already was.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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