So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
