Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize