I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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