the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
