u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
