Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
