my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
