There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
