Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
