I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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