I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
