So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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