flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
