Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize