Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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