So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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