Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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