Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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