i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
