this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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