Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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