i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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