i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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