i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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