very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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