Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
