I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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