please come you make the beer taste better
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
