yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
