Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have feelings that need drinking.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
