yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
