Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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