Everything about him screamed your future.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
