I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
