i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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