I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
