am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize