I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
ok first of all what the fuck
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize