My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
