She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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