you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
All the doctor said was why
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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