Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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