Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
