Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize