I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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