i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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