Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
