she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
