Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
