she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
