Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
