booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
