Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize