I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
