yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
