shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
